I Lost

Goddam it folks I lost, I didn’t make the shortlist, for the novel competition remember?

It’s been a hell of a day, I really wanted to win. Me and the other 499… less 6, then 10, then 11, more on that later.

It’s been a strange week, or two.

I haven’t been able to give this my full attention as other things have been pulling me, but I realised this past few days how little I really expected to be on the list and not just because it’s my first foray into submitting my novel.

If my name had appeared I might have died of shock. Turns out I’m not as confident as you think I am, as I think I am, well, I am Irish.

Clearly I like living in terror, but I have to do my thing, terror or not. I’m not naive, I know the chances of having got through on my first submission were pretty slim, but still hoped, prove me wrong I thought.

So most of today I’ve been feeling, just a little bit sick, then a headache. Watching and waiting and the rest, which was really the colossal scale of the thing, and finally at 5.01 they posted a shortlist of 10 instead of the 6 they’d first said!

Oh GOD!!! Is there anyway on earth I could be on it?

I scanned the names, no, no….no. Unless they changed the name right? Not on it…relief, then disappointment, then…I’ll just check again, they could have changed the name, I might have read it wrong, right?

I let the family know and THEN, ‘apologies it is eleven not ten’ they posted! But no, still not me. Have they made a mistake? And why eleven? Why not an even 12, or 13? I could have been next.

All I can say is the sock drawer never looked so good, nor is likely to again. I just checked back to the thread I’ve been stalking all day and turns out one of the shortlisted has been writing and entering comps for ten years which is very right, proper, encouraging.

And me? Headache gone, sickness gone, feeling fine, onwards….

First submission – DONE!!!






17 thoughts on “I Lost”

  • Proud of you Jane to have done this, the journey is most important & the learning / insights gained. You’ve gone further than many of us will ever and you are an inspiration in your modesty. Onwards and upwards my darling x

    • Thank you Lynda, that’s very sweet and totally agree about the journey, it will never be as hard to submit as it was this time : )

  • Jane, don’t say you lost -you just didn’t win! Losing would have been not trying at all. You’ve already achieved so much! You’ll do this too, when the time is right. Meanwhile, keep doing what you’re doing (and delighting us)and enjoying it xx

  • Yes, well done for taking on such a challenge in the first place! You are a brave and creative soul but it is hard not to feel disappointed…however, look back at how much you have learned from the whole process and how much we have all enjoyed reading about your journey too! Now..on to the next adventure!! 🙂

  • Hello Jane, no loss, you gained the satisfaction of writing your first novel, you gained the experience of submitting it for the competition, you have gained admiration from both your personal and Facebook friends. Just because you didn’t make the sort list in this competition, does not mean you can’t submit to other competitions, or publishers, this is just the beginning, be proud of what you have achieved. Well done! 🙂

  • You certainly didn’t lose! Although, I must admit I considered you a shoe-in my reaction now is ‘so what?!’ Sure, if you’d self-published it your novel would be published and you wouldn’t have even entered this competition. You no more lost than I did and I didn’t enter! If one tiny circumstance had changed, like if one of the judges had a good day or bad day when they were reading the submissions….literally any tiny thing could have produced a different outcome. The winner may even be someone who only wrote enough to meet the entry requirements, you’ve written a whole novel. Well done.

  • Jane, I’m so sorry! You have no idea what the Judges criteria or check-list was. It was a short story competition, wasn’t it? You wrote a Novel to tell your story, to be asked to condense it, when others no doubt wrote their submissions – AS – short stories in the first place, was always going to be a big ask! I think it was just the wrong competition and your Novel is destined for much bigger & better things! Their loss, is the sock drawers gain!
    Much Love K xo

    • Thanks Kerry, it was a novel comp but you didn’t have to have the whole thing written, just the first 8000 words and a synopsis! I’m looking ahead now to the next thing <3

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