That Curious Love of Green

Shaylyn’s Finishing School Today

Today my eldest girl leaves school forever. I’m happy for her. It feels right, it feels time. She has a great head on her shoulders, a much better one than mine at her age but the Leaving Cert’s a terrible time in a young person’s life. I don’t care what you say, no matter how good the head or the heart is it’s tough.

I’ve been focusing on this stuff and not thinking too much but flitting and busying, tidying her room and making her the things she likes to eat and just trying to make a fuss and all of this has kept me, protected me from the sadness, you know the one I mean? It’s the one that hits you hardest when your’re happy and you love.

I’m usually not too bad with these being quite at home with melancholy and I’ve always kept an identity separate from my children, not consciously, it’s just the way I am, some might call it my cold streak. I don’t define myself by them, the children. I’m more likely to celebrate than mourn the changes, but then the other night.

Two nights ago I lay down and felt a wrenching, a cleaving, choking, all consuming sadness, just for a minute, just for a desperate minute or ten, where is time?

I’m fine again, just fine and see, my lovely Shaylyn…

PicMonkey Collage
First day of school, last day of school…

 



5 thoughts on “Shaylyn’s Finishing School Today”

  • Congratulations to your gorgeous daughter. And best of luck for the exams – to you all! It’s a very stressful time and absolutely a huge moment in parenting.

    I’d be like you. I have a separate identity from my mother/wife role. And maybe a bit of a ‘cold streak’ too. But sometimes the ‘mother’ wins out over all and I am overcome.

    Especially at transitions.

    Loved this post.

    P.s. I also love that there was a red door then and there still is.

    • Thank you Sadbhh, that’s exactly how it is. I get overcome when it sneaks up on me, just by virtue of being ‘mother’. It’s part and parcel : )

  • What a beautiful record. I love the first day/last day photos, who’d have known she’d go out a red door on both days! You have obviously done a great job raising Shaylyn.

  • What a lovely post Jane! How could you not feel it, You’rea mammy. Impossible to separate the two identities.

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